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Grinding is less a pastime than a palm-sized addiction. Grinders spend an average of ninety minutes on the app every day—and not just in one session. In my experience, that's an unrealistic number. I never wanted to get to the neurotic stage where I logged on while walking around, so I made a point of doing less walking around. My theory was that Tops took it as a challenge, whereas Bottoms seemed to feel they'd already come up short in our imagined duel of wits, and that was good enough for them.

It is also standard practice among grinders to steer clear of certain red flags.

Some grinders were as genteel as the ladies at a book club; some wanted true love, others new friendship.

This subculture was populated with all sorts of people—like any community.

The ladies certainly wouldn't treat Chat the same way; they'd be euphemistic and vaguely lyrical (I hoped) while the males were doing something close to grunting. From a female standpoint, that might be seen as one romantic step away from being spirited into a van.

Less darkly, what happened to the good old dinner party, the comically bad set-up date, the meet-cute fender bender? I'd soon learn that grinders weren't always bathroom-trysting and Rusty Tromboning and doing Japanese nose-torture on each other.

Together the sex-crazed and lonely hearts and the rest were building a digital neighborhood on top of their physical one.

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Those other sites are proud of asking for massive detail.

It was a revelation: "I could In June 2008, when Apple unveiled the i Phone 3G, it blew the mind of every techie in this country.